Listed
below are some reasons I thought why? And following each of those points is my
take on it - in red.
1.
To 'officially' have somebody whom you can share everything with.. happiness,
sorrow, grief, success, failures.. Money.. Even your body for that matter.
It's natural to be wanting to share these
abstract feelings and materialistic objects with a fellow homosapien. But why
would you want to 'marry' someone for your entire life to do that. For example,
if it's money, you can share it with so many needy people around.. the poor,
the destitute, there are forgotten people around us who may just die if YOU
don't give them. Nothing can beat the satisfaction you would get by sharing
with them.
2.
You need a reason to live - have your own kids - who will go on to become your
definition for progress in life. You probably want them to do and achieve
things you wanted in your life but somehow couldn't.
It's fine to be wanting so. But are you sure
you don't have a greater reason in life? Examples - Atal Bihari Vajpayee,
Narendra Modi, Anna Hazare, Ratan Tata, Mother Teresa.. The list goes on. These
people had a greater reason and they expended their lives towards it.
Disclaimer: I don't claim
that having kids/family is 'necessarily' an impediment to doing great things
with your life.
3.
You want to reproduce and make sure that there is a descendant who will take
your blood line forward.
This is the most weird reason. Why would you want to give
birth to living beings just to ensure that you can call yourself responsible
for bringing two more people into this world with the same surname as yours.
And then again, within that some people give birth to a few more till they get
kids with the gender of their choice.
4.
Sex (At least for men who were starved of it before marriage). For guys who
have already had enough of it, they may want to get married to the most
beautiful of all women, somebody who would go on to become the envy of his
friend circle.
You can get the best of 'it',
as long as you have good money to spend on 'it'. And it's no rocket science
that a single guy will always have more money in his bank account compared to
his peer who is married.
5.
To avoid loneliness. You don't want to come home after a tiring day's work to
see an empty house, to switch on the lights yourself, to have nobody serve you
food, to have dinner alone.
Depends on how you perceive
it. As May Sarton said,"Loneliness is the poverty of self; solitude is
richness of self." There is no companion as companionable as solitude. And
nothing beats the freedom that comes along with it.
6.
For guys - You want somebody who can make your life an organized bit. Somebody
who would cook timely good food for you, somebody who will ensure that your
kitchen sink is not stinking of unwashed utensils all the time, will keep your
house clean, will ensure that you always have washed clothes to wear to office.
If you have enough money, you
can have a maid do this for you; avoids the liabilities that comes along with
having a wife. As one of my friends once said, if you need milk, you buy milk;
you don't get home a cow.
7.
Financial security (At least for women without it before marriage). For the
ones who already have it, they want to get married to an even richer guy who
has a fat enough pocket to satisfy her greater material desires and somebody
they can proudly parade in their friend circle for the rest of their lives.
It's fine to be wanting so,
if you are sure that you are not self-sufficient enough to satiate your
material desires, and if scoring brownie points in your friend circle really
gets you that amount of happiness.
8.
You don't want to be alone, feel forgotten and invisible in your old age. You
hope to have some support in the form of your son(s)/daughter(s) who will take
care of you in your old days.
You are being selfish here.
You want to bring one more life to this world just so that he/she can give you
care in your old days. If you have enough money, you can hire a home nurse who
can do this much more professionally.
9.
It's a universal norm, an unwritten rule. Our parents did it. Everybody does
it. You too did it/will do it. Never bothered to think of the converse.
Ignorance is bliss.
10.
You fell in love with somebody and every moment you spend with that person
seems perfect bliss. You want to marry that person so that the entire rest of
your life becomes 'blissful'.
Love is nothing but dopamine acting on your
brain. An Ephemeral Biological Trap. More often than not, the effect of this
dopamine is very transient. The bliss part may start fading off after
honeymoon.
The above argument leads me to the next
question - Why should you stay single then? (Now, this is purely from a guy's
perspective.)
1. Freedom. You are a free bird. You are
not accountable to anybody on what you do, where you do, how you do, why you
do.
2. You don't have a liability in the form
of a wife. You don't have to part with your hard earned money to satiate her
whims and fancies. Instead, you can use that time and money to indulge in your
desires and ambitions. More importantly, mental peace.
3. Having kids is optional even after
marriage. But then not marrying 'almost' negates the chance of having kids. And
hence, you don't have to spend on their upbringing, education, health. Lot of
savings in terms of money. Again, you can use this saved time and money to do
things that you always wanted to. This also negates a lot of tension that you
would otherwise have to live with inevitably, for most part of your married
life - starting from cleaning your baby's poop to finding the right match for
his/her marriage.
4. Staying clear of the risk of losing all
your property and money in alimony in case of divorce. More so, since the laws
now are highly skewed in the favor of the fairer sex.
5. If you really are curious about tasting
life living one-on-one with a member of the opposite sex, you are free to try
out this modern day innovation called - 'live-in relationships'. No strings
attached. Unlike in a marriage, you are free to move on if things don't work
out fine. No alimony asked.
6. No risk of you losing interest in your
spouse and a subsequent divorce, once the love-dopamine effect fades off.
7. You have a lot of time and mind space to
invest in things you like, compared to a peer who is married and has 2 kids.
Half of the adults (aged 18 or above) today
in US believe that marriage is an obsolete idea. Again, only 51% of the total
adult population in US is married today - an all-time low. I am citing US as an
example here because more often than not, what happens there goes on to be
replicated in other parts of the world. Not just in US, but marriage rates are
at a record low across the globe today. It's a microcosm of the future that
beckons us.
Rajesh Agrawal
